it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
