I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
