1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
