Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
