with your own penis?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
