so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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