we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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