i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
