I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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