i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
