I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
