There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
