the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
did i just pee glitter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
