Acid is not a monday night drug
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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