Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
