Fine. I'll sleep in my office
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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