my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
