Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
