I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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