I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Bring me that man meat
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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