Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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