never play flip cup with pint glasses
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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