I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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