Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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