i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
