my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
