meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
