Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
