I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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