just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
