I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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