she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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