You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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