When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
