"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have fence marks all over my body
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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