genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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