you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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