Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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