Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just pynch a tree in the face
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
