Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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