I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
