last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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