I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
