we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
