I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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