i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
