where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
