I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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