Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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