I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
