You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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