Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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