Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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