He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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