You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Randomize
